Continuing on from Part 3, here is the next part in my story about my life and M.E. If you would like to read the previous posts you can click on the links below.

This post is probably going to be the most difficult to write. This is because the last time I wrote about my feelings of the situation at university, I had a huge backlash from a lot of people who were supposed to be my friends. Although I mentioned no names, the blog post in question was shared around university behind mine (and my boyfriend's) back, and I was made out to be a liar and an attention-seeker. I am quite complete the opposite in both senses - but I suppose not being an attention-seeker is why I am not performing as a singer! I could just not write this blog post at all because of what happened a few years ago, risk being called all-sorts again and be completely alienated, but you know what, I honestly don't care. If you have a problem with my illness and believe I am a liar etc, then please come and say it to my face :)

So, as I say, after my diagnosis things went a bit pear-shaped. The first person I told was my best friend at the time, who instantly said I was wrong and attention-seeking. I also remember her saying that her Dad had M.E and I couldn't possibly have the same condition as the symptoms were not the same. I didn't stand for this - I had finally found out what was wrong with me and I was being called a liar etc etc, I was about to start treatment to help my condition and her words did not make things better.

Apart from my boyfriend and family, she was the only person I told. I tried to tell my other close friends but they didn't want to know or make the time for me. It was at this point I finally realised who my real friends were - none of them. The only person at university (apart from my lecturers) who gave me the support I needed was my boyfriend. We had only been together a matter of weeks at this point but without him being there and caring for me, I would have quit university.

I kept quiet about my M.E, I didn't see the need to tell people as I gathered they obviously wouldn't give me the time or day. I didn't want to shout it from the rooftops, I didn't want any sympathy. Only a handful of people at university on my course (who are now my lifelong friends) knew that I had a support plan in place, in case I relapsed or needed an extension on my assignments. But it was a particular lecture where I was giving a presentation about the subject for my dissertation - how music therapy can help people with M.E and Fibromyalgia. In the part of the presentation where I would answer any questions about my topic, one of the people who I hadn't spoken to for quite a while since the whole 'liar' episode asked me this question: "Wouldn't you be biased though seeing as you have M.E?" Funny thing was, I didn't tell them I had M.E, and neither did my boyfriend. Can you guess who did? And they just told the whole freaking lecture theatre about my condition.

I calmly answered that "Yes, of course, I would love for the effects of music therapy to act in a positive way, however, I have not conducted any experiment on myself; I have met people with the same condition as myself who agreed to be part of my dissertation research, as otherwise the research would be biased".

I finished university with a 2:1, a degree I am so proud of completing, given the circumstances that I had. Since May 2011, I had also held down a job at a clothing store, and managed to attain the role of training staff and acting supervisor. I left this job in October 2013 when I was able to sustain myself on my teaching business alone.

As I said earlier, my university relationship is still going strong. After my horrible second year which included my diagnosis, we moved into a student house together as I felt he was the only person I could fully trust and be around, as I had completely lost my trust in a majority of my peers. We also lived slightly away from the typical student housing area, as this meant I didn't have to deal so much with the people who had betrayed my trust and gave me judgemental looks. We are now going on our first proper holiday later this year and are hoping to move in to our first house together at some point. I don't know where I would be without him if we hadn't have been together at university, but I can tell you I wouldn't be as well as I am now if he wasn't in my life.

If you are still reading, congratulations! I know this has been a very long post, and probably also a very risky one. I don't know if any of my uni peers read this blog and if they do, then I don't really mind. They can spread it around, talk about me behind my back and whatever, but I am happy in the knowledge that I have a wonderful family and an amazing partner who loves me so much, and will always care and look after me should I ever fall as ill as I did back then (but hopefully I won't!).

I've been thinking about writing this blog post for a while, but I've just never quite realised how I've wanted to put across my story. I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (C.F.S), otherwise known as M.E (the long unpronouncenable words myalgic encephalomyelitis) in 2011 whilst I was in my second year of university, but I had suffered the symptoms for approximately two years before this (and also suspected to be more).

Since writing my post a few months ago about my gallbladder operation I have wanted to talk about my experience with M.E. I do sometimes find it difficult to talk about, mainly because of pre-conceptions of what other people think and therefore act around me.

So, I'm going to split this up into parts, as I'm going to be covering about 5 years of my life in these blog posts.

I guess I will start with what M.E actually is (Just for the record, I will always refer to my condition as M.E and not Chronic Fatigue Syndrome/CFS, as I just feel that the latter doesn't describe my condition correctly - people just assume I'm tired all the time and it's not just that).

As described at patient.co.uk,

Myself just before I was diagnosed with M.E - hence wearing comfy clothes (a hoodie and most probably jogging bottoms too!)

"Chronic fatigue syndrome/ME is a condition where you have long-term disabling tiredness (fatigue). Most people with chronic fatigue syndrome/ME also have one or more other symptoms such as muscular pains, joint pains, disturbed sleep patterns, poor concentration, headaches. The cause is not known."

It's also worth noting that approximately 250,000 people in the UK have M.E/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, whether it be severe or mild.

I used to live a fairly normal life, probably not too much different from what I actually live now. Before my symptoms began, I was completing my A Levels, I was a Young Leader at my local scout group, in a relationship and walking at least 2 miles a day. I was also had a Saturday job at Topshop and was a size 8 in clothes.

My symptoms started pretty much as soon as I started my foundation year of university. It first started with abdominal pains that were more focused to the right side of my body, and to this day I still experience this now. The pain could range from being an annoying ache or the most painful thing I had ever felt, and could spread across my whole abdomen. I would become dizzy and have sweats and nearly end up in hospital. I remember walking back to my halls of residence after finishing my lectures for the day and nearly collapsing in the street and seriously scaring my friends who were with me - that was when I realised that something was seriously wrong.

At this point in time I was also working at a well-known home improvement store as a cashier (or mainly manning the refunds desk as I was able to sit down - another symptom I have is that I cannot stand for long periods of time without feeling dizzy and eventually blacking out - I will go into more detail later about this). All was well and good when I started the job but as I got more and more sick this was reflecting in my work. Obviously the company could not sack me on the grounds of illness, and so instead kept me on a temporary contract and let me go when it ran out. I knew their real reasons for why they didn't want to keep me but if they had sacked me for being ill it would then give me grounds to take them to court! I felt this was incredibly sneaky and I was absolutely gutted to lose my job, it really made me feel like I couldn't manage anything as I was also struggling at university at the time. My job there was also my main income to live off at university as my whole loan went towards my rent - this gave me even more stress that I didn't need and I was very lucky that my parents funded my living costs in those months where I didn't have a job.

It was also around the time of losing my job that my relationship of around 17 months ended due to it not working out as long-distance. This was the last straw for my health and in the summer holidays I spent a majority of this time bedridden due to my M.E. Around this time my abdominal pains were getting increasingly worse and so I was hospitalised with suspected appendicitis. Typically, whenever I get sent to hospital for something my body gets better and my pains subsided for a while so I got to go home! (Of course, it never was appendicitis...)