Continuing on from Part 3, here is the next part in my story about my life and M.E. If you would like to read the previous posts you can click on the links below.

This post is probably going to be the most difficult to write. This is because the last time I wrote about my feelings of the situation at university, I had a huge backlash from a lot of people who were supposed to be my friends. Although I mentioned no names, the blog post in question was shared around university behind mine (and my boyfriend's) back, and I was made out to be a liar and an attention-seeker. I am quite complete the opposite in both senses - but I suppose not being an attention-seeker is why I am not performing as a singer! I could just not write this blog post at all because of what happened a few years ago, risk being called all-sorts again and be completely alienated, but you know what, I honestly don't care. If you have a problem with my illness and believe I am a liar etc, then please come and say it to my face :)

So, as I say, after my diagnosis things went a bit pear-shaped. The first person I told was my best friend at the time, who instantly said I was wrong and attention-seeking. I also remember her saying that her Dad had M.E and I couldn't possibly have the same condition as the symptoms were not the same. I didn't stand for this - I had finally found out what was wrong with me and I was being called a liar etc etc, I was about to start treatment to help my condition and her words did not make things better.

Apart from my boyfriend and family, she was the only person I told. I tried to tell my other close friends but they didn't want to know or make the time for me. It was at this point I finally realised who my real friends were - none of them. The only person at university (apart from my lecturers) who gave me the support I needed was my boyfriend. We had only been together a matter of weeks at this point but without him being there and caring for me, I would have quit university.

I kept quiet about my M.E, I didn't see the need to tell people as I gathered they obviously wouldn't give me the time or day. I didn't want to shout it from the rooftops, I didn't want any sympathy. Only a handful of people at university on my course (who are now my lifelong friends) knew that I had a support plan in place, in case I relapsed or needed an extension on my assignments. But it was a particular lecture where I was giving a presentation about the subject for my dissertation - how music therapy can help people with M.E and Fibromyalgia. In the part of the presentation where I would answer any questions about my topic, one of the people who I hadn't spoken to for quite a while since the whole 'liar' episode asked me this question: "Wouldn't you be biased though seeing as you have M.E?" Funny thing was, I didn't tell them I had M.E, and neither did my boyfriend. Can you guess who did? And they just told the whole freaking lecture theatre about my condition.

I calmly answered that "Yes, of course, I would love for the effects of music therapy to act in a positive way, however, I have not conducted any experiment on myself; I have met people with the same condition as myself who agreed to be part of my dissertation research, as otherwise the research would be biased".

I finished university with a 2:1, a degree I am so proud of completing, given the circumstances that I had. Since May 2011, I had also held down a job at a clothing store, and managed to attain the role of training staff and acting supervisor. I left this job in October 2013 when I was able to sustain myself on my teaching business alone.

As I said earlier, my university relationship is still going strong. After my horrible second year which included my diagnosis, we moved into a student house together as I felt he was the only person I could fully trust and be around, as I had completely lost my trust in a majority of my peers. We also lived slightly away from the typical student housing area, as this meant I didn't have to deal so much with the people who had betrayed my trust and gave me judgemental looks. We are now going on our first proper holiday later this year and are hoping to move in to our first house together at some point. I don't know where I would be without him if we hadn't have been together at university, but I can tell you I wouldn't be as well as I am now if he wasn't in my life.

If you are still reading, congratulations! I know this has been a very long post, and probably also a very risky one. I don't know if any of my uni peers read this blog and if they do, then I don't really mind. They can spread it around, talk about me behind my back and whatever, but I am happy in the knowledge that I have a wonderful family and an amazing partner who loves me so much, and will always care and look after me should I ever fall as ill as I did back then (but hopefully I won't!).

Continuing on from Part 2, here is the next installment of my M.E story. If you would like to read the previous posts please click on the links below.

I was eventually diagnosed after 2 years with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome/M.E in November 2011. I wouldn't have been diagnosed if I hadn't gone and done some research online. In fact, I remember when it all clicked in my head - I was reading the newspaper and I saw an article that was about a teenager who slept for 23 hours a day (unfortunately I cannot find the article). It listed all of the symptoms, such as the extreme fatigue, pains, headaches, my intolerance to any form of exercises, and everything just seemed to fit. And so, I went back off to my GP with this list and she agreed that this was the reason why I had been so ill. I have been lucky to not have M.E at that severity, but at my worst I was sleeping for up to 18 hours in one go.

I immediately went back to my student house and told my best friend at the time. She had seen me every step of the way with this illness, right from when it all began. As soon as I told her, she insisted that I was wrong and I was lying about my diagnosis, I was just attention-seeking. This, amongst other things that happened that were not related to my illness, caused us to fall out. My other university friends didn't want to know either, the only person who was there for me at university from that point on was my boyfriend, and without him standing by my side, I probably wouldn't have finished my degree. Somehow, the news that I had been diagnosed spread around university, and it wasn't me or my boyfriend who told people.

I was referred by my GP to a CFS clinic at the local hospital, where I was offered either CBT or a place within a local support group. As the support group only met at a time when I was meant to be in lectures, my only choice was to take the CBT. To be honest, I never found it that helpful; it did bring my sleeping times down from waking up at 4pm to 2pm (I am now at 9.40am!) and we did establish what the trigger point for my M.E was: the cervical cancer vaccination. I was also in a relationship at the time that was falling apart and also had the stresses of moving away to university. Most triggers tend to be a virus like glandular fever that people describe as never recovering from, but mine seemed to be the rarer cause. There isn't any proof that it was the cause of my M.E, but the puzzle just came together. My Mum refuses to let my sister have the jab too and I will be doing the same for any daughters I may have.

Also, I want to point out why I tend to refer to my illness as M.E, and not Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Whenever I have been talking about it to someone and I mention it is called 'Chronic Fatigue Syndrome', people tend to reply with something along the lines of "Oh, I must have that because I feel tired all the time too". This REALLY pees me off! M.E is more than excessive fatigue - you are in pain, get migraines that force you to stay in a dark room for days, cannot stand for long periods of time without fainting, not being able to stop being sick until you are referred to A&E because it has become blood.....there are so many more things that make M.E/CFS what it is. Because of the amount of times I have heard this stupid, senseless comment, I only use 'M.E' when describing my condition.

Continuing from Part 1, here is the next part of my M.E story. To read the first part, just click on the link below.

The last time I wrote about my M.E, I had suspected appendicitis. This calmed down after my hospital visit, but I was still getting abdominal pains that couldn't be explained. I was referred to a gynaecologist who suggested I may have endometriosis and sent me off for a laporoscopy (in other words, keyhole surgery).

It was the 24th May 2011 when I had my exploratory laporoscopy, which proved that I was not suffering from endometriosis...in fact, there was absolutely nothing there. All of my organs were healthy, there was no tissue outside of my uterus and the only problem my surgeon could find was that I had extreme muscle tension but could not find a reason for it. So I was still at square one.
I had just finished university when I had the operation, so I could spend the summer recuperating ready for the next academic year. Things were also looking up - I had managed to get another job at a clothes store who understood what problems I was having (and to be fair, they were amazing about understanding my health issues for the whole 2 1/2 years I was there).

I've been thinking about writing this blog post for a while, but I've just never quite realised how I've wanted to put across my story. I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (C.F.S), otherwise known as M.E (the long unpronouncenable words myalgic encephalomyelitis) in 2011 whilst I was in my second year of university, but I had suffered the symptoms for approximately two years before this (and also suspected to be more).

Since writing my post a few months ago about my gallbladder operation I have wanted to talk about my experience with M.E. I do sometimes find it difficult to talk about, mainly because of pre-conceptions of what other people think and therefore act around me.

So, I'm going to split this up into parts, as I'm going to be covering about 5 years of my life in these blog posts.

I guess I will start with what M.E actually is (Just for the record, I will always refer to my condition as M.E and not Chronic Fatigue Syndrome/CFS, as I just feel that the latter doesn't describe my condition correctly - people just assume I'm tired all the time and it's not just that).

As described at patient.co.uk,

Myself just before I was diagnosed with M.E - hence wearing comfy clothes (a hoodie and most probably jogging bottoms too!)

"Chronic fatigue syndrome/ME is a condition where you have long-term disabling tiredness (fatigue). Most people with chronic fatigue syndrome/ME also have one or more other symptoms such as muscular pains, joint pains, disturbed sleep patterns, poor concentration, headaches. The cause is not known."

It's also worth noting that approximately 250,000 people in the UK have M.E/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, whether it be severe or mild.

I used to live a fairly normal life, probably not too much different from what I actually live now. Before my symptoms began, I was completing my A Levels, I was a Young Leader at my local scout group, in a relationship and walking at least 2 miles a day. I was also had a Saturday job at Topshop and was a size 8 in clothes.

My symptoms started pretty much as soon as I started my foundation year of university. It first started with abdominal pains that were more focused to the right side of my body, and to this day I still experience this now. The pain could range from being an annoying ache or the most painful thing I had ever felt, and could spread across my whole abdomen. I would become dizzy and have sweats and nearly end up in hospital. I remember walking back to my halls of residence after finishing my lectures for the day and nearly collapsing in the street and seriously scaring my friends who were with me - that was when I realised that something was seriously wrong.

At this point in time I was also working at a well-known home improvement store as a cashier (or mainly manning the refunds desk as I was able to sit down - another symptom I have is that I cannot stand for long periods of time without feeling dizzy and eventually blacking out - I will go into more detail later about this). All was well and good when I started the job but as I got more and more sick this was reflecting in my work. Obviously the company could not sack me on the grounds of illness, and so instead kept me on a temporary contract and let me go when it ran out. I knew their real reasons for why they didn't want to keep me but if they had sacked me for being ill it would then give me grounds to take them to court! I felt this was incredibly sneaky and I was absolutely gutted to lose my job, it really made me feel like I couldn't manage anything as I was also struggling at university at the time. My job there was also my main income to live off at university as my whole loan went towards my rent - this gave me even more stress that I didn't need and I was very lucky that my parents funded my living costs in those months where I didn't have a job.

It was also around the time of losing my job that my relationship of around 17 months ended due to it not working out as long-distance. This was the last straw for my health and in the summer holidays I spent a majority of this time bedridden due to my M.E. Around this time my abdominal pains were getting increasingly worse and so I was hospitalised with suspected appendicitis. Typically, whenever I get sent to hospital for something my body gets better and my pains subsided for a while so I got to go home! (Of course, it never was appendicitis...)

The Disneybound Challenge ended a few weeks ago now, and I just want to say a massive THANK YOU to everyone who donated, I managed to raise £130.50 for Action for M.E!

I just wanted to write a little summary of what I thought of the challenge, so here goes!

What was your favourite outfit?
I think my favourite outfit has to be a tie between Eeyore and Giselle! I really liked Eeyore as I feel I got the outfit and accessory spot on, and with Giselle the dress was perfect for the weather! (and lots of pink!!)


What was your favourite make-up?
My favourite make-up had to be for Rapunzel, I really had fun trying out the pink and making it look brighter and more refreshing than my usual look.


What was your least favourite outfit?
I would have to say Grumpy for this one. It made me feel a bit bloated and not flattering for my figure. The colour of the top wasn't quite right either. I wasn't meant to wear a cardigan but as you can tell from the picture the weather was rubbish!

Easiest to do?
I would say the easiest one to do was Aurora, as I just wore a blouse and jeans! I am quite proud of that I managed to combine both colours of her dresses! (Also everyone though Giselle was Aurora!)


The one no one could guess?
There didn't seem to be just one, there seemed to be two that no one could guess correctly! These were Will Turner from Pirates of the Caribbean and Khan the horse from Mulan. To be fair I realised I chose the Will Turner outfit from the more recent films, but it was one of my favourite outfits!



The one that everyone could guess?
Belle by far. The yellow dress just gave it away!

Least comfortable?
This one would have to be the outfit for the Queen of Hearts from Alice in Wonderland. My reasons are because I wouldn't usually wear a bodycon dress (especially for teaching) as I constantly worry about my figure in these sort of dresses! I remember it being a pretty warm day so it wasn't the nicest thing to wear in the heat.

The smartest outfit?
This is a tie between Jafar and Maleficent! I enjoyed wearing Maleficent as it was quite feminine (but hot!) and I felt Jafar was quite business-like! I hate my hair in the Maleficent photo though!

What did you think was spot-on?
I think there were a few that were very similar to the original characters - namely Eeyore, Grumpy, Ariel, Giselle, Flynn Ryder and Belle. Do you think the same?

Did you enjoy it?
Of course! It was fun and different, and other people have said so too! I think this is because most of the time when people fundraise it is quite a 'sporty' type event like distance running or swimming so many miles, but I'm not able to do that because of my M.E. It was definitely strange though when it got to July and I didn't have an outfit planned!

Will you do it again next year?
Who knows? :)

I think it is about time I told you all about why I recently had an operation. To put it quickly, I had gallstones and they were causing me quite a lot of pain and discomfort. Today's post is going to be all about my gallstone problem, starting from when I first experienced symptoms right through to now, where I am just finishing recovery. I forewarn you - this is going to be a very long post!

I first felt gallbladder pain (not knowing what it was) on Halloween 2013. I finished teaching early for the day, because my teaching room is at the front of the house and I would just be constantly interrupted by Trick or Treaters who would be able to see that I was in! I think I finished lessons at 5pm, and so I went and got a McDonalds Cheese Quarter Pounder Meal for my dinner. After eating, I was answering the door to kids (and also promoting my teaching business aha) but after about 30 minutes I started to get abdominal pains. These were building up in intensity, right up to the point where I was in the foetal position on the sofa holding my stomach, and my Mum had to take over Halloween duties and I went to bed at about 7pm.

After a few more weeks I was still getting these pains, especially after I had eaten. So, I took it to the doctors who were useless. I eventually had to 'diagnose myself' online and take my findings to my GP, who agreed to send me for an ultrasound scan. I had an ultrasound somewhere around the end of November 2013, and gallstones were confirmed. I cut out all fatty foods - I found that McDonalds burgers and Hot Dogs were the worst offenders.

Fast forward now to just before New Year. I had been living with gallstones for 2-3 months and was just taking as it goes. I was learning how to change my diet to minimise the attacks and the attacks had decreased. It was the evening of the 28th December and I was eating some chips from a chinese takeaway (I don't eat chinese meals you see). Now, I believed I would be ok with these - they're just chips right? I ate the chips fine and I didn't have an attack immediately after eating them, which is what would happen if my gallbladder was having a problem with it.

I woke up about 5am with a strong feeling of nausea. I ended up vomiting all of what I had eaten - nothing had digested at all. This was also alongside the worst pain I could imagine coming from my gallbladder, and spreading all across my abdominal area. My parents rang NHS Direct who booked me an appointment at an Out Of Hours GP, at something like 8am. I was still being sick whilst waiting to go to the appointment, but the most irritating thing that happened in the appointment was the doctor believed it was my appendix. I told her that it possibly couldn't be as I had been diagnosed with gallstones and I had a grumbling appendix a few years ago - I knew that it wasn't my appendix. I was referred onto the hospital, and me and my Mum had to make our way there with me struggling to walk and still being sick (I distinctly remember in a bus stop, how classy). As it was a Sunday morning, there was virtually no one around to help, and the one person who was around told us we couldn't use a lift because it was 'goods only' - my Mum nearly let rip at him because of the condition I was in. Alas, we had to go find another lift to get to the ward I was booked onto.

So we got to the ward and I wasn't allowed to drink in case I was sent for surgery, but I extremely dehydrated from vomiting so much. The said they would put me on a drip, which they ended up never doing. I also had to go back the following day for another ultrasound scan as they couldn't find the results of my November one. I had the scan the next day and lo and behold, gallstones were confirmed. We had to wait the whole day for the results in the ward waiting room where people were coming in after me and being seen before me, until my Mum went to the nurses desk and started kicking off as I was deteriorating and they couldn't care less. A nurse who was a gallstone specialist took us into a separate room and told us that I had a few stones but I would need my gallbladder removing, so I was to be put on a waiting list and would be contacted within 6 weeks.

So it got to middle of March 2014, and I still hadn't heard anything about my operation date. By this point I had cut out all junk food and all red meat. The only meat I as eating was chicken and fish. I was barely eating things like chocolate, and if I did it was a small amount. I eventually had to get one of the receptionists at my GP's surgery to chase it up, and I was given a pre-op assessment for the 10th March, or somewhere around that date. The hospital rang me a few days later and booked me in for my operation on the 15th April, however I changed the date to the 30th April as I was seeing McBusted on the 29th and there was no way I was missing that!!!

So, I went to my pre-op assessment in March, where basically they just confirmed that was fit for surgery, talked me through what would happen and answered any questions I had - it was pretty quick and stress-free considering how hospitals can be! After this it was just a case of keep doing what I was doing with my diet and wait until April 30th.

6 weeks later and operation day had arrived! I had to be at the hospital for 7.30am, and my Dad and boyfriend came with me to drop me off. Now, I had a laparoscopy (keyhole surgery for people who have medical terminology just go over their head) a few years ago in the same place and I was in a little bay for about 2 hours whilst I waited for my operation. This is what I expected again, especially as at the pre-op my blood was taken in one of these little bays (they only just fit a bed in, that's how small they are). But in fact - I had a room all to myself! This is what the bed area looked like:


The room was completely private, and I could lock my valuables away in the cupboard by the bed if I wanted to (even though the room would be locked whilst I was in theatre). On the other side of the bed (left side of the picture) was my own bathroom, with shower, which was as big as my bedroom! There was also a television that could be moved around to suit me. I had to change into the hospital gown and put on flight socks and then wait for the surgeon and anaesthetist to come and see me.

I hadn't even got my Sherlock Holmes book out of my bag to read when they both came to see me at the same time at about 7.45am. The anaesthetist basically just confirmed that I wasn't allergic to anything but the surgeon had to go through a bit more, like the operation itself and that I was first into theatre! I also asked about the severity of my gallstones, as I had never actually been told, apart from that I had a few and the biggest was marble-sized. He told me that I in fact had roughly 10 stones, all marble-sized and the wall of my gallbladder was only 2mm thick. Now, I was told that your gallbladder when normal is about the size of your thumb, but now imagine this with 10 marbles in, it's no wonder the wall was only 2mm thick! He also said that it was pretty much ready to burst, and it could do just that whilst I was in theatre, but he would make sure he would clear everything up should that happen.

So, I walked up to theatre with my nurse at about 8am, who was telling me about a guy she looked after not long ago, who when he was coming out of theatre and was still under the influence of the anaesthetic was talking about getting someone to feed his fish. Turns out he never owned a fish in the first place! I don't think I was like that, I just wanted to sleep!

I can remember going to sleep before the operation, but I can't remember waking up, like I did last time. I can sort of remember being wheeled back on the bed, but it was about 1pm I woke up properly and ate some toast and went to the bathroom. I surprisingly felt alright, compared to last time where I really struggled to move. My Mum and boyfriend came to pick me up about 2.30pm and I was wheeled out of hospital and taken home, where I slept some more. Anaesthetic makes you incredibly sleepy!

So here I am now, just over 3 weeks since having my gallbladder removed. It's only just now I've been able to start eating what I want again (burgers taste AMAZING right now) and my wounds aren't scabby anymore,  but I am still getting aches where my gallbladder used to be. I'm now using Bio-Oil on the wounds that are completely healed over to help minimise the scarring. My belly button is completely mangled now after 2 surgeries, but what can you do, they are my battle-scars :) Another downside is I haven't been able to sing properly since the operation, as I have a wound right above my diaphragm!

It's also probably worth noting how much weight I lost with gallstones. In October I was slowly trying to lose weight as I was nearly in the overweight category for my BMI, I think I was about 9st 4lbs. After gallstones were diagnosed I immediately went onto the gallstones diet, and went down to 8st 11lbs, which is what I was pre-surgery. In the few days after my operation I was down to 8st 6lbs, but obviously I wasn't able to eat like I usually would and 10 marble sized gallstones would probably weigh quite a bit themselves! I've now put on a few pounds, I think I'm currently 8st 8lbs. It's not the way I wanted to lose weight and I do want to lose a bit more, but I am going to get back into doing Gym, Aqua Fit and start Pilates when I feel I am ready to go back!

If you've read through all of this post, thank you so much for taking the time to do so. It's taken me about 2 days to write all of this, so I apologise if that is why I've disappeared for most of the week! If you've had any experience with gallstones or gallbladder problems, please feel free to comment below and share your story, I would be really interested in reading about it. Also if you have any questions for me, feel free to ask below :)

Click here to view my JustGiving page!

Please, please, donate for a wonderful cause. Let's get M.E/CFS known and help fund the much-needed research into this illness!

So I posted about this on my Tumblr a few weeks ago and got no response, so I'll try again on here!

Today is M.E/CFS Awareness Day, and this is a day that is very close to my heart as I have M.E myself. I wanted to take part in 'The Big Sleep' event to fundraise for M.E/CFS but because of my gallbladder operation I have been unable to do so!

So instead, I had the idea to 'Disneybound' for a whole month in June to fundraise and bring awareness to this illness. The picture above is a picture of me from when I went out in the evening for my university graduation (flat hair because of wearing a graduation cap all day haha) and I Disneybounded as Dory from Finding Nemo! On Disneybound's website, it is described as;

"Disneybound is meant to be inspiration for you to pull together your own outfits which work for your body and wallet whether from your closet or local mall."

In a nutshell, to 'disneybound' is to base an outfit on any Disney character of your choice - to be Dory I chose a cobalt blue strapless lace dress from ASOS, a black blazer from Next, a yellow bracelet that I picked up in a charity shop and I also wore my plain black heels from Topshop. I found this really fun to do and really look forward to doing this!

I plan to start a Just Giving page in the next few weeks and will link it onto here, so you can all donate for a worthy cause! I won't Disneybound everyday, just because I would like to have a few days off and I don't teach everyday of the week. Also if anyone has any character requests, let me know in a comment below! I'll aim to post as many outfits as I can on here :)

I've been um-ing and ah-ing over what to write about today, and I still don't really know! I know over the next few weeks I'm going to be posting everyday seeing as I'm not working or doing anything else with my time.

I've just got back from the doctors as I was getting a bit concerned about one of my surgery wounds - turns out it was a false alarm and I'm ok. The nurse was really pleased with how they are healing and they shouldn't show up too much when the cuts are fully healed.

I will probably do a long post about my Gallbladder story in a few weeks time when I am completely healed, so I can take some pictures of my scars without scaring too many people! At the moment I am still under a week from having the operation so it still looks a bit icky and glue is still everywhere, and people don't really need to see that!

I've just also had my very first piece of chocolate (Feast ice cream) since the operation so I'm hoping it will go down ok. I'm just on Nurofen now for the achy pains I'm getting where my gallbladder was. I am thankfully Tramadol freeeee!!! So I won't be going wappy anymore :)

Hello!

So, I'm sitting here in bed still recovering from my gallbladder operation last week, and just trying to find things to do! The picture above is what I spent last night doing - my Grade 5 Music Theory book! Unfortunately there is only so much you can do before your brain starts to melt...

I used to blog a fair bit when I was at school, and then I got out of the habit of doing it (and possibly also because of online trolls), but I want to get back into doing it! I have had blogs on Wordpress before, but I found the site quite difficult to use, so thats why I'm trying out this one. For now I will probably just write about anything really until I find my niche.

So please follow and if you want to comment me with some blogging tips! I'm aiming to start posting videos on my Youtube a bit more as well :)